Have you ever had a huge ball of feelings just fall out of nowhere? Yeah, so that happened.June 7, 2013
Yesterday was one of those days where it felt like nothing went right. Even things that weren’t necessarily bad in any way just didn’t seem to go the way i thought they should or wanted them to. It was one of those days where i was just cranky and pissy all day and nothing seemed to help.
i guess this wouldn’t be a big deal, and i guess it isn’t really a big deal, except that i still haven’t mastered the whole emotions thing. So last night i had a not awesome situation happen at work where i was yelled at and i felt completely helpless. i’ve been yelled at more times than i can remember working at all of my jobs. Over ridiculous things, over real things, over pretty much anything you can think of (people aren’t very nice to people who work in retail or the travel industry.) But for whatever reason, last night- and this has happened a very few other times, being yelled at and feeling helpless combined with my day made all the emotions bubble up to the point i was crying. i didn’t want to be crying, it just happened and even when it was over and i was dong my best to move on from it, the tears did not want to stop.
It’s frustrating. The whole thing makes me feel so out of control and i hate that. i hate it even more when i’ve been feeling like i’m doing so much better recently. i know this isn’t anything i should worry about or focus on but i’m not very good at that. Aside from feeling out of control it makes me feel weak and i know that is really not something i should feel but i think it’s mostly because of not being able to control it. Not being able to wait until i get home or whatever to release that burst of emotion.
i’m trying really hard to let go of it so it doesn’t stay under my skin today but right now it is weighing on me. It probably doesn’t help that i have so many changes coming up that i’m getting more and more anxious about.
On a side note i’ve started doing pilates and am in love. It’s been a great way to get stress out and it makes me feel awesome.